Why We Don’t Co-Sleep
This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
If you co-sleep, you probably either scrolled right past this post, or you’re reading it, ready to jump on all the negative things I supposedly have to say.
Well….hang on just a sec, okay?
You might be surprised at my stance on this topic. We don’t co-sleep, but I’m not about to bash on those who do.
I’ll put my hand up right away and say that I am a schedule-lovin’, sleep-training mama. I get that isn’t everyone’s thing, but it works well for our family.
I’ll admit that we have never intentionally co-slept. It was never something that I wanted to do.
I actually don’t have an issue with it. In fact, I kind of admire women who can sleep with their child in the same bed/room.
No one can say that those sleepy baby cuddles aren’t a little slice of heaven.
Sometimes (only sometimes) I kinda wish that we could co-sleep. However, we don’t, and this is why…
Why We Don’t Co-Sleep
#1 Mama Can’t Sleep
I am THE world’s lightest sleeper.
Guys…I sleep with earplugs in, and I can still hear every movement my children make. Seriously.
My husband could sleep through a train ploughing through the house…but, I wake up if a moth flutters its wings.
No one told me that one of the things you inherit when you become a mother is ultra-sonic hearing.
It’s like when the house settles down for the night, I can feel my hearing becoming more heightened.
When my son was born, I spent a sleepless night in the hospital (he was cluster feeding), and then moved him straight into his crib when we got home.
We had a tiny, two bedroom house, so I could hear everything I needed to. I think he only ever ended up in our bed once.
It was in those very early days when he was awake for hours in the middle of the night, and I just needed to rest.
With my daughter, I planned to have her in our room. I had another sleepless night at the hospital with her.
She was a little more ‘cuddly’ than her older brother, so for the first few nights, she mostly slept on either my husband or myself.
I think I got a maximum of 3 hours of broken sleep each of those nights. I. was. exhausted.
Neither my husband or I could sleep soundly with her in the bed. I’m not sure about other people, but my kids GRUNT like nobody’s business when they’re tiny.
They’re fast asleep, but they both grunted, and grunted. Of course, that woke me all the time.
View this post on Instagram
#2 Mama Needs Space
The second reason we don’t co-sleep could touch a few nerves I guess, but I’m being honest. At the end of the day…I need my space.
There are some days where I feel like a human jungle gym. My kids are ALL OVER me! By the time bedtime rolls around, I want space.
I don’t want to be kicked and climbed on.
We get plenty of cuddle sessions in during the day. And I love doing a dream feed with my babies…those sleepy baby snuggles are priceless.
Going along with space is also the need for “Mama & Daddy’s” space. I want somewhere that we can have a conversation without being interrupted.
It’s not to say that our children aren’t allowed in our room. I love snuggles on a Saturday morning! However, as a general rule…that is our space.
It is my retreat at the end of the day. I’ve seen mama’s shamed because they don’t co-sleep.
The ‘shamer’ seemed to think that the mama was less of a mother because she didn’t want her kids on/with her every single moment of the day.
If anyone has ever made you feel that way, brush it off. You do you, mama. Motherhood does not equal martyrdom.
Having some space at the end of the day is vital to my mental health, and I firmly believe that protecting my mental health, is an essential part of me being a good mother.
If you want your kids in your bed, then that is awesome. As I said, you do you. 🙂
#3 My Kids Don’t Sleep
And the last reason we don’t co-sleep is that it’s nigh on impossible! I’ll clue you in on a little incident that took place a few weeks ago.
We had sickness in the house. It was just a head cold, but all of us got it, and so everyone was a bit out of sorts.
Jack got it first, and it seemed to hang on for an age. He was still congested a couple weeks after the first bout of sickness.
Anyway, one night as I was hunkering down to sleep, I heard him cough in such a way that gave me a fright.
It was a croupy cough, and he’d never had one before. My husband had it a lot as a kid, so I was always aware that my kids might have a tendency towards it as well.
I was worried about him because he was crying and coughing. So, because he was sick and unsettled, I brought him into my bed.
He was very much half asleep. Well……..he spent the first 30ish minutes angrily kicking me in his sleep.
Apparently, I was in the way. My husband then came to bed. We had just all gotten comfortable when I felt that he was awake.
You know what I mean parents…you just know.
Sure enough, he started wiggling around. He then started climbing on my husband, and pulling at his ears, as he stated loudly, “Ears! Dada Ears!“.
The end of the story is that I took him back to his bed. It was around midnight, and he read a couple books to himself, then went back to sleep, and I didn’t hear from him until morning.
I honestly think at this point, that co-sleeping is practically impossible for us because my kids are just so used to sleeping alone.
Being in bed with mum and dad must surely mean it’s time to wake up and play!
View this post on Instagram
I feel like parent’s today get dumped in one pile or another. It’s all or nothing. It seems like you can only practice one type of parenting style.
I say, rubbish!
Yes, we sleep train and gently ease our children into routines, but I also babywear, and if my kid is sick, or scared, yes…they can come into my bed.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, just because we don’t co-sleep as a general rule, doesn’t mean that we never will.
For whatever reason, I’ve been far more soppy and emotional since I had my second child.
I always check on the kids, via our video monitors, before I go to sleep. I’ve said to Shane a couple of times, “Oh, I wish I could just pick them up and snuggle them into our bed!”.
And then I remember the above-mentioned incident…….:P
What about you? Do you co-sleep? If you do/did, was it intentional? Please let me know! I want to know you guys, and who I’m sharing these conversations with.