3 Reasons It Is Okay To Not Like Being Pregnant

November 2, 2018
3 Reasons it's Okay to Not Like Being Pregnant

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This post originally appeared on The Chronicles of a Babywise Mom.

I’ve often seen harsh comments made by some that say a woman has no right to complain about being pregnant. I mean, you’re carrying one of the greatest blessings in life…another life. And what right have you to complain if you planned your pregnancy? I mean, you wanted this, right? You signed up for this!

I understand the sentiment.

As a whole, I don’t like to complain. I like to try and see the positive to things.

However, I also see that for some reason, complaining about pregnancy is equated to being ungrateful. Of course, there are exceptions to the majority, but I would say that in general, this assumption is false.

Read –> How to Cope When You Have Painful Pregnancies

3 Reasons it is Okay to Not Like Being Pregnant || Feeling guilty because you're not enjoying pregnancy as you 'should'? Well, find out why it is totally okay to not love it. #pregnancy #motherhood #parenting #babies #newborns

3 Reasons it is Okay to Not Like Being Pregnant || Feeling guilty because you're not enjoying pregnancy as you 'should'? Well, find out why it is totally okay to not love it. #pregnancy #motherhood #parenting #babies #newborns
Why it is Okay to Not Like Being Pregnant || Feeling guilty because you're not enjoying pregnancy as you 'should'? Well, find out why it is totally okay to not love it. #pregnancy #motherhood #parenting #babies #newborns

It’s the same as when people give mothers a hard time for being tired. “You’re a parent, this is what you signed up for.”

But, did you? Did any of us? Nope.

No one truly understands the extent of the challenges that we each face on the journey of parenthood. That is why it is totally okay to not like being pregnant.

1) Pregnancy Is Hard

You can be fit and healthy but pregnancy can still be super challenging.

There are the obvious physical ailments such as morning sickness, the extra weight to carry around, swollen joints, round ligament pain, etc etc.

However, so often the unseen things are excluded.

Hormones play a huge role in how we feel. Did you know that there is such a thing as antenatal depression? It can make life incredibly challenging.

You can read a bit about my experience with it here –> 29 Week Pregnancy Update: Prenatal Depression?

No one knows how pregnancy is going to affect them, but I would say that most women wouldn’t say it is a walk in the park. (Read about the 5 things that surprised me during pregnancy –> HERE)

The physical aspect is only one part of it as well. Consider the mental load that motherhood brings. It isn’t something that can be fully understood by someone who has never been a mother before. I mean, research shows that a woman’s brain is physically altered when she becomes a mother. –> How Pregnancy Changes the Brain

3 Reasons it is Okay to Not Like Being Pregnant

2) Pregnancy Is Unique

I admit that I get easily frustrated when women push their experience onto someone else. Just because you didn’t feel a certain way doesn’t mean that another woman can’t or won’t.

Pregnancy is so very individual.

We experience things differently. Our situations are different.

Gosh, I’ve been pregnant three times and they’ve all had their own unique symptoms. I never felt any sort of prenatal depression with my first. That doesn’t mean that other women who experience it are any weaker than I was. It’s just that our bodies respond differently.

If you had an ‘easy’ ride, then that’s wonderful, but don’t brush away the feelings of others just because you didn’t personally experience them.

Some women feel like goddesses during pregnancy. Their skin glows and they feel like the essence of femininity. Others (like myself) feel sick and totally unlike themselves.

3 Reasons it is Okay to Not Like Being Pregnant

While I greatly value what my body is doing to grow my child, I don’t feel feminine…I feel more akin to a beached whale.

Not feeling pretty and feminine doesn’t mean that you don’t appreciate what your body is capable of. I am always amazed and the miracle of pregnancy and how a life starts with just cells and turns into a unique individual with their own personality.

Just the other day I was talking to my husband about how fascinating it is that a woman’s body knows when to go into labour. I know there are cases where inductions are necessary, but for the most part, the human body is very capable of triggering things so that labour kicks off. Just thinking about everything that has to align for that to happen blows my mind.

3) You Still Love Your Baby

If I’m being honest, if I listed out the things I would miss about pregnancy, and those I would not, the ‘would not’ list would be significantly longer.

I don’t love the fatigue, the hormone swings, the weight gain, the morning sickness, and the general lack of control.

I struggle with not being capable of some of the basic tasks of daily living.

HOWEVER…

I still love my baby.

I don’t love being pregnant, but I’m so excited that I get another child out of it.

3 Reasons it is Okay to Not Like Being Pregnant

The nine months of challenges are outweighed by that moment when I get to hold my precious child in my arms for the first time.

I might wonder why I chose to go through pregnancy again, or perhaps worry about how I’m going to cope. However, there has not been one second where I didn’t love the child I carried.

Do I complain about the pregnancy during those nine months? You betcha! However, as much as I struggle with my body image and mental health, I still have the utmost respect for the ability my body has to grow and nurture a human into existence.

So, it is okay to not love being pregnant.

I remember my mother saying that if a stork could just drop the baby off, that would be great. Ha! However, I think there is a difference between not enjoying something and not being grateful for it.

I don’t love it when it rains, but gosh I’m thankful that it makes the country I live in so green and lush!

Until next time!

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6 Comments

  • Kayla

    November 13, 2018 at 5:37 am

    This is exactly the way I have felt during this pregnancy! I’m pregnant with my first, and while I’m so grateful/thankful to be able to carry my own child and to have a healthy pregnancy, I can honestly say it’s not fun. Of course I love the moments when baby girl is moving and that I can enjoy knowing it’s just me and her for a little bit longer. But I don’t like not feeling like myself, and not having my body to do with as I please. I haven’t been blessed with a “glow”, or with a “belly only” pregnancy. I have no ankles, zits on my face, and the only glow is from sweat. Basically anyone I talk to just raves about how much they love being pregnant, and while I can relate to some moments and little snips of loving pregnancy, I don’t LOVE being pregnant. So thank you for this and not making everyone who doesn’t like it to be some kind of cruel, baby hating person. I love my baby and can’t wait for her to be here!

    1. Christine Keys

      November 13, 2018 at 11:04 am

      Yes! You can totally love your baby and not enjoy pregnancy at the same time. I should know…I’ve done it three times. 😛 So glad you found support here. 🙂

  • Ross G

    November 6, 2018 at 8:13 am

    I always struggled with the idea of being a mom, I really enjoyed my childless life with my husband. But it happened, some part of me wanted it, but the other part of me was pretty upset to leave my easy life behind. I’m 6 months and I don’t think I can go trough this all over again, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t love my baby. But here is the thing, I just couldn’t relate to the marvelous experience women talk about being pregnant. I even avoided to tell a lot of people, specially other women at work and some relatives, simply because a lot of them, wanting or not, they make you feel guilty, because they felt it was such a beautiful time in their lives and you SHOULD enjoy it because it’s a miracle and you are very lucky. We should really learn to listen other women without judging, if they feel like sharing. Beyond of the physical discomfort, I truly hate the noisy people with their unwanted advises. Any how, I’m still dealing with accepting that my life has change for ever.

    1. Christine Keys

      November 12, 2018 at 8:31 am

      It definitely takes a lot of getting used to. I found going from 0-1 kids the hardest transition. Congratulations on your little one and hope that things start feeling a little easier for you soon. And I totally agree about listening without judging!

  • Heather Harris

    November 3, 2018 at 6:20 am

    My husband has been incredibly patient with me with our second. When I had my first, yes, I had morning sickness and it was pretty rough, but overall I had a good pregnancy. Now, almost six years later, we are having our second. Hate is a strong word, but I do feel EXTREMELY miserable. Pretty much all the time. And then on top of that, there’s guilt for hating being pregnant. The morning sickness AND fatigue feels much worse the second time around and I’m breaking out with acne like a teenager. I know I’m supposed to have a belly, but yes, I do feel like a beached whale. And it’s so frustrating. I wanted this, so why is it so miserable? I didn’t know if anybody else felt like I did, so thank you for this post!!

    1. Christine Keys

      November 12, 2018 at 8:33 am

      I’m so glad that you found the post encouraging. I can completely relate to your experience on so many levels. The guilt is the worst part! I’m 4 weeks postpartum now and I am loving NOT being pregnant. Having her on the outside is 100 times better. I hope that you get some kind of relief. x

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