Because Feminism Is Failing Us

May 24, 2017
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This post is no spur of the moment thing.

It is the compilation of thoughts that have been swirling around in my head for many months now.

Since the birth of my second child, I’ve struggled so much more with being able to see my own self-worth. In all honesty, this post is one of the hardest I’ve ever written because it is so raw.

This is a subject that I’m still thinking over and almost fighting with daily. I want to write this, I need to write this because feminism is failing us.

If you’re new here or you don’t know much about me, I’ll give you a little synopsis.

I’m 25. I have been married for just over 3 years and I have two children. My son is 2 and my daughter is 7 months. I’m also a qualified nurse, but I have chosen to stay at home with my children.

I have also chosen to homeschool my children. Obviously, there is so much more to who I am as a person, but for the sake of keeping it succinct, that’s all I’m sharing.

Since the birth of my second child, I have dealt with a barrage of emotions and struggles.

One might think they would include sleep deprivation, mum guilt and the like. It’s true. They can definitely be included on the list. However, there is one great battle that I have been working through that has overshadowed all others.

In reality, it has seeped into all the other physical and emotional battles I’ve faced and amplified them to some extent.

My worth

Maybe it was because with two children, a mere 18-months apart, I’ve had less time to care for myself and therefore felt more ‘mum‘ than ‘woman‘. It probably is actually.

Because Feminism Is Failing Us

I’m all for self-care. In fact, I’m a HUGE proponent of it. “You can’t give from an empty vessel…” and all that. I believe it fully.

However, I’ve realised something.

I’ve been letting other’s view of motherhood determine my self-worth.

Wow, typing that out really hits home. It contains all the emotions I’ve been feeling in just one sentence.

Now, while I admit that it is ultimately my responsibility to not let the opinions of others determine my own self-worth, I’ve realised exactly how flawed feminism is.

You see, while their aim is to bring equality and empowerment to women, they have inadvertently taken those very things away from an entire group (which happens to include me).

What Is Your Career Title?

Let me share with you an observation I have made. Before I had children and I was working, when people asked me what I did, I would say I was a nurse. I was met with respect and usually, an interesting conversation would take place.

Once I had my first child I started to state my occupation as being a stay-at-home-mom. Unless I’m talking to another mother, not much conversation takes place.

I am treated differently based on the title I provide for my occupation.

Since having my children, I’ve been asked countless times when I’ll be returning to nursing.

When I give the answer that I won’t be, more often than not, I’m met with, “What a shame.”, or, in other cases, people have tried to convince me that I will indeed return to it eventually, because well, it would be such a shame for it to go to waste.

Here lies the problem.

Feminism has encouraged women to seek out a career in anything they wish, except for the career of child-raising. I’m not saying that feminists discourage full-time motherhood, but that they’ve simply forgotten about it.

In all the enthusiasm for women to achieve great careers, we’ve neglected those that choose motherhood and homemaking.

Feminism has failed those of us that are in the career of child-raising in the home.

And by pushing for women to pursue careers, feminism has inadvertently lowered the worth of stay-at-home mums.

Sacrifice

I studied for 3 years to become a nurse. It took hours of my time and many sacrifices.

The sacrifices and work that it took to become a nurse have absolutely nothing on what I have given to motherhood.

Sleepless nights, cold dinners, hurried showers, mental energy, pain, nausea, childbirth, and hours upon hours of researching how to get this motherhood thing right.

My job never ends. My career is eternal. I receive no wages and yet am the most richly paid.

If motherhood were classed as a career, then it would be seen as the most selfless one there is. Of course, I receive something in return, but ultimately my job is about serving others. It always will be.

And I CHOOSE to do it.

Being a stay-at-home mum is not second-choice for me. Choosing to homeschool my children is not a hardship. Wanting to be the number one influence in their little lives is not something I’ve been ‘landed with’.

I am not less because I chose not to work outside of the home.

Second-Choice

I know that the majority of my daily tasks are mundane. Heck, I even said to my husband this evening that today I felt like a severely underpaid daycare worker.

But, the mundaneness of those tasks doesn’t define who I am.

I’ve had to reevaluate where I’m getting my confirmation from. I was getting it from society and those around me when I should have been getting it from where my faith lies.

When I was discussing my thoughts with my mother the other day, I mentioned about how I felt more like a mum than a woman. She replied with, “Isn’t that funny though, because what is more womanly than motherhood?”

I don’t imagine society will change much in its view of motherhood.

There’s a growing trend away from the traditional setting. I know that and while I can’t change it, I can change the way I view myself.

I want to raise my children to know that motherhood is a noble calling. There is nothing feeble, or second-choice about it.

So, I see you, mama. I see you in the everyday trenches of motherhood. You are amazing. You are utterly amazing and you are more valuable than anything on this earth. Mama, you are raising the future.

Know your value so your children can know it too.

Before I end this post, I want to make sure that my intentions were not misconstrued.

I have nothing against mamas that work outside of the home. We all have different families and therefore need to make different choices. Here’s to all of us mamas. We are superheroes!

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